Monday, April 30, 2012

I'm Tired of Explaining Myself

*You ask, "Why don't you get a sitter?"
I answer, "The house is too messy to invite anyone over."
"Why don't you clean it up?"
"I don't have time. It's not that I'm a loafer."
I'm tired of explaining myself.

"Have I offended you?"
"I can't banter around and around."
"You haven't responded to my e-mails."
"I'm too busy. I don't think we've lost ground."
I'm tired of explaining myself.

"Why can't you stay out really late?"
"Losing sleep affects my ability to cope."
"You're no fun."
"I've had chronic fatigue syndrome. Sorry, but nope."
I'm tired of explaining myself.

"Do something for yourself today."
"I need to hustle to make ends meet."
"You will be fine."
"Now that would be a feat!"
I'm tired of explaining myself.

"Look at the bright side."
"I've struggled with depression, being a writer."
"Sometimes I feel connected to you and other times not so much."
"I'm moody or maybe bipolar."
I'm tired of explaining myself.

"You should be doing this with your career, not that."
"I'm doing what I need to."
"Talk to this person. Get into that discussion. Go to that event."
"It's a matter of priorities. I can't bite off more than I can chew."
I'm tired of explaining myself.

You seem to want more than I can give.
I must be disappointing you,
yet I can't change my situation.
I don't know what else I can do.
I'm tired of explaining myself.

Can you accept all sides of me?
Don't you see that I'm struggling?
A full-time single mother is overwhelmed
and doing too much goddamn juggling.
I'm tired of explaining myself.

I can see your motives are pure,
but please pay attention to what I say and write.
The answers are all there --
clear as day, in plain sight.
I'm tired of explaining myself.

I'm tired of explaining myself

I'm tired of explaining

I'm tired

*The You in the poem is a collective You. It does not represent any one person or particular group of people I know.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I've been driving myself mad explaining ever little detail to others and to that shadowy voice of doubt that flies around me. Either accept me or not... I'm tired of explaining myself.

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  2. Thank you, Anthony. You owe no one an explanation. Just do the best you can.

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