Friday, April 20, 2012

A Week of History and Morality

One of the most important jobs of any parent is instilling in their child or children a sense of respect for history and morality. As a single mother by choice, this duty has fallen squarely on my shoulders. I welcome the challenge.

To commemorate the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, History ran a two-hour documentary about an expedition to the world's most famous wreck site. The ocean floor was mapped by two unmanned robots called AUVs (autonomous underwater vehicles) whimsically named "Maryann" and "Ginger" after the popular characters from Gilligan's Island. The AUVs uncovered never-before-seen pieces of the Titanic that, along with other evidence gathered by top underwater experts and forensic scientists, enabled them to essentially reconstruct the vessel and draw conclusions about how it broke apart and plunged to the sea floor.

The findings put to rest the century-old lingering questions about the disaster: Was the ship poorly built? No. Did faulty rivets "unzip," causing a rush of water to enter the ship? No. Was the ship traveling too fast when it hit the iceberg? No. The iceberg was not spotted until it was too late due to the moonless night and calm seas. Why were there so few lifeboats on board? The ship carried as many as were required at the time. All of the Titanic's lifeboats--unlike those on the Lusitania, Andrea Doria, and Costa Concordia--were functional because the ship did not tip to its side. In fact, a large number of passengers survived due to the "unsinkable" ocean liner staying afloat for almost three hours after hitting the iceberg.

I could tell from the preview that the program would be captivating, so I offered my older son the chance to see it. Many other mothers of eight year olds, I suspect, would not have permitted their children to watch because it follows a true-life story of death and disaster--unpleasantries they want to shield their kids from as long as possible. But my son has known about the Titanic for a long time and, like me and scores of other aficionados the world over, was fascinated by it. Besides, it was school vacation week. Why not let him stay up till 10 p.m. to watch to the end?

We as parents are not able to predict which privileges we give our children will positively impact their future lives in a significant way. But I venture to guess that allowing my son to watch an entire program filled with some of the latest scientific inventions and investigative techniques, a virtual holographic reconstruction of an iconic shipwreck, and answers to a longstanding mystery stood as good a chance as any to make a mark on him. What red-blooded boy wouldn't love that? "Cool" was my son's response when I told him about the show.

Three days later, we went to Alton, NH, to climb Mount Major. Electronic signs along I-95 informed drivers to take Exit 2 for Michael Maloney's wake, which was scheduled a day before his memorial service that would be attended by US Attorney General Eric Holder along with thousands of police officers from around the region. Maloney, the police chief of Greenland, had been gunned down the previous week by a suspected drug dealer during the execution of a search warrant. The shocking incident also involved the shooting of four other police officers in addition to the apparent murder of the suspect's girlfriend followed by his suicide. Greenland, meanwhile, is a small, unassuming town not far from where I lived nearly twenty-five years earlier. As a reporter in those days for a daily newspaper that covered the region including Greenland, the tragedy felt a tad personal to me. So when I learned the wake was still in progress as we drove through the area on our way back to Massachusetts, I felt an emotional pull to attend.

My sons knew of the horrific crimes from seeing coverage of them on the news and from hearing me talk about them as part of my ongoing, broken-record anti-drugs and -guns mother lessons that also included tutorials on Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, President Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr. among others. My boys have also been fed a steady diet of praise for those who uphold and enforce the law as well as others in the giving professions. This is why my sons said yes without hesitation when I tentatively presented the idea of going to the wake.

I wasn't exactly sure how I would handle the issue of them seeing Chief Maloney's body in a casket. I mean, talk about being up close and personal with death! I think I have an open, progressive attitude toward parenting. We have discussed the passing of my parents (their grandparents), other relatives, a dog of mine they both knew when they were very little, and famous people. But subject them to a viewing of a dead stranger's body in a funeral home? Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have suggested such a mature thing. .

Despite reports of traffic being backed up along the route to the stately white funeral home in Hampton, we did not have trouble getting to the site. As suspected, however, the line out the door was too long for us to wait. I later learned from a clerk at a gas station where I bought a copy of my old newspaper that it was taking visitors two and a half hours to get into the building past reporters, cameramen, and countless uniformed officers. Surprisingly, we did not have trouble getting to the site. The traffic was light enough at that early evening hour for us to drive right past without being stopped in the road for long.


But making the effort to pay our respects, if only spiritually, was worth it. The route was handsomely decked out in yellow ribbons, American flags, and messages of tribute. As I explained to my boys, it is unusual to have the opportunity to witness a community honoring one of its citizens to such a great extent.


Block after block, street after street, the messages kept coming. R.I.P., Godspeed, and my personal favorites: "Some serve, some protect. Mike gave his all," and "God's finger touched him, and he slept." It was a beautiful display that brought Christopher and me to tears. 

Had I created a memory for my sons? I believe they will remember the love expressed in Hampton toward "one of the good guys," in the simple yet straightforward language of one sign. I believe they will understand that honorable deeds performed for other people are life goals; criminal actions are not.

Faced with two different yet both newsworthy events, I chose to break unspoken parenting rules by affording a memorable--and maybe life-changing--privilege to one son and presenting a model of noble behavior to both.

As they are receptive to my informal morality lessons, I am confident they will grow up to become good men. That's what I want most for them.

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